Boy Friend.

My best friend is a fucking lunatic.

I've known him for about 10 years.
We were fuck buddies when we first met,
then decided, mutually, to venture into a "real relationship".
It lasted for 3 days.
We haven't had sex with each other since.
That was 8 or so years ago.

My best friend is fucking crazy.
I guess just like me.
A confused soul that
wants, wants, wants...
but have zero patience to
wait, wait, wait.

We made a pact.
One vino filled night.
That if we remained single
by the age of 45,
we would marry each other.

I think it's a bad idea.
A pact like this should never be made.
Especially if Kettle One proceeds the vino....
It makes for a bad collaboration.


My best friend is insane.
He has a thing for Brazilian girls, and anorexic models.
I tell him he's superficial
and a little vain.
That he needs a real woman
with a real job
and one without vomit breathe.

He tells me to shut up
and to stay away from 50 year old men.
I think we want the same things---
just in reverse.


I love my best friend.
He tells it to me like it is.
If my butt looks big in a dress
He lets me
AND
the entire world know!

My best friend rocks
like Casbah (In its hay days)...
He dances a bit like Elaine
when he's sober
and Kanye when he's drunk.
At least he's better then Tom DeLay
But I prefer my best friend invisible on the dance floor.

No harm, no foul.
Just get the fuck off the dance floor.

My best friend is awesome!
He has a very advance culinary pallette.
His technique for applying nutella on toast
rivals the best gastronomes.

My best friend is the best.
That's why he's my bestest
Better then just best
and I wouldn't change him for the world.

Limber in the loo

Its thanksgiving tomorrow and I am in NY. 
At the Boom Boom Room. Kind of hoping I was Boom Booming...but that's not the case. Boom Boom is in the Standard hotel, but who gives a shit. I'm with friends and family.


No one of any importance is here because they are either on their private jet or flying coach to meet with family.


I am not impressed.
Decor is nice but the cocktail waitresses and hostess uniforms are much more exciting to me.


Excuse my vulgarity. I've had one too many Pimms and I'm composing this in the loo- doing the god awful balancing act us women do with our knickers pulled down to our knees and squatting in the air as to not have our ass touch the filthy seat of the toilet.
I'm balancing pretty fucking well considering I'm a bit tipsy and wearing these uncomfortable over priced platform heals.


Who gives a shit.


Anyway, I'm done.

I have to pull up my draws without dropping my mobile into this piss infested toilet bowl....

Whatever!

I do some of the weirdest most ballsiest and outright stupidest things sometimes.

The kicker is that I have a real fucking blast doing them.

The shitty part is that I tend to be a bit of an over thinker.

Like I am pondering is what I did last night, in the backseat of the cab, with the Pilot, was appropriate.

BUT I HAD FUN!!!
With a capital UN!!!

I don't care if he ever calls.
I could careless if I never receive an email from him or if he sent a pidgeon with an olive branch.

Who gives a shit!

Somethings are better left as fantasies and that night should apply...for him.

Backseat Shenanigans

I do NOT  remember his name.

The feel of a hot cock was familiar in my mouth though.

His size was a non issue as I felt it belonged there.

In my mouth.

I felt it grow and grow and grow.

The longer and larger it became the wetter and deeper was my oral dance.

All I remember seeing was the northern like lights, raying along the FDR.

His hands reached underneath my dress and made its way to my thighs and gently squeezed on my ass.

Our lips moved a movement so sensual and erotic and exciting and hott and sexy and and annnn d----i almost climaxed (smile)

I vaguely recall parts of last night like a schizophrenic amnesia patient.

Closing my eyes and trying to envision events only produced memories of my 4"inch stiletto heals and satin pointy toe Louboutins creating shadow puppets on the upholster of this yellow cab I was frolicking in.

I was a dirty dirty girl last night.