Boy Friend.

My best friend is a fucking lunatic.

I've known him for about 10 years.
We were fuck buddies when we first met,
then decided, mutually, to venture into a "real relationship".
It lasted for 3 days.
We haven't had sex with each other since.
That was 8 or so years ago.

My best friend is fucking crazy.
I guess just like me.
A confused soul that
wants, wants, wants...
but have zero patience to
wait, wait, wait.

We made a pact.
One vino filled night.
That if we remained single
by the age of 45,
we would marry each other.

I think it's a bad idea.
A pact like this should never be made.
Especially if Kettle One proceeds the vino....
It makes for a bad collaboration.


My best friend is insane.
He has a thing for Brazilian girls, and anorexic models.
I tell him he's superficial
and a little vain.
That he needs a real woman
with a real job
and one without vomit breathe.

He tells me to shut up
and to stay away from 50 year old men.
I think we want the same things---
just in reverse.


I love my best friend.
He tells it to me like it is.
If my butt looks big in a dress
He lets me
AND
the entire world know!

My best friend rocks
like Casbah (In its hay days)...
He dances a bit like Elaine
when he's sober
and Kanye when he's drunk.
At least he's better then Tom DeLay
But I prefer my best friend invisible on the dance floor.

No harm, no foul.
Just get the fuck off the dance floor.

My best friend is awesome!
He has a very advance culinary pallette.
His technique for applying nutella on toast
rivals the best gastronomes.

My best friend is the best.
That's why he's my bestest
Better then just best
and I wouldn't change him for the world.